RIP Mom
I’m back here in my RV on the sunny, cool coast of Washington, slowly returning to earth after one of the more surreal and intense experiences I’ve ever had.
Two weeks ago I said my final goodbye’s to mom in the SW of France.
I came home several days ago, and I’m only just now getting around to the point of being able to write about it. There’s so much I could say about all this, and in other ways so little. What I’ve been through is nothing humanly new. People do it all the time all over the world. And yet I know that my experience is also deeply unique, as every experience of death is. I’ll do a poor attempt to express some of all this in today’s post and, although my personal processing of all this is not done (far from it), I only plan to write about it this one time. Some things can only be shared so far, and the rest has to come from within.
My mother was laid to rest on a Thursday evening under the hot French sun with rolling hills of sunflowers and wheat laid out before us. We had a small ceremony, just the family and we ended the evening with wine and food. I think she would have approved.
Her resting place is somewhere special that she absolutely loved.
The SW of France is a countryside that’s remained unchanged for hundreds of years. It’s a timeless place of small towns with narrow brick roads, old farmhouses, 14th century castles and hills that shimmer in unending blue layers towards the ancient peaks of the Pyrénées. Here nature and man are melded into a comfortable rhythm, a slow pace of life that ebbs and flows with the rise and fall of the sun.
Early mornings the breeze blows lazily, carrying only the sounds of a few roosters bringing in the day. Daytime the sun rises and bakes the landscape in hot oranges and yellows, ripening wheat and withering the fields of yellow sunflowers that are so dramatic in July. Eveningtime the heat eases and, most times, the breeze brings a cool calm. On other nights the heat explodes in a spectacular display of violent lightning & dark clouds that rush from the mountains like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Afterwards the world feels clean and cool.
I totally get the connection.
In this place we came together as a family these past 2 weeks, my brother, sister, father and I. We spent our evenings on the warm terrace, watching the sun elongate over the Pyrénées, talking about our mother, sharing our deepest feelings, crying, laughing, bonding and drinking copious amounts of wine. It was one of the most intense and oddly most healing times of my life.
But the whole death thing was surreal and as natural as death is, I was so very unprepared to handle it. From the moment I found out (a moment that stopped all time) to the moment I saw my mom’s body (not at all what I expected. Once the soul leaves, the body becomes almost unrecognizable) to the moment I saw her enter the crematorium (surreal, yet again) to the moment I held her ashes (so very much heavier and denser than I ever imagined) to the details of documentation & red tape that had to be completed (the paperwork of death is incredible). It was all so surreal, so very unnatural.
And yet her spirit seemed to be still in the house. She was in the garden, in her room, in her clothes. She was gone, and yet not gone.
My mother and I had many disagreements over the years, that I cannot deny, but in my final goodbye to her I spoke of the things which I felt I had inherited and cherished; her love of travel, her love of good food, her green thumb, her stubbornness, her good looks (well, maybe I stretched a tad on that one). A part of her is in me, for good or worse and those things will live on until my own passing from this earth. All the rest, all the remaining pieces of our relationship. Well, that’s for me and me alone.
I also spent many hours during my time in France thinking about my mothers life and wondering if she felt she achieved what she wanted during her time on earth. Death makes us question life in this way, asking ourselves if we are living our own lives to the fullest.
Some say you should live each day as if it were your last. I don’t think that’s possible, or even advisable. No-one can sustain that level of Adrenalin or intensity over the long term. But I do think you can attempt to live life with presence and love. To be present in the moments you’re given, to cherish the beauty around you, to love as much as possible.
My last evening in France I walked around the garden, breathed in the warm air and watched the redness of the setting sun spread across the horizon. I felt mom in the garden, I felt the love of my family around me and I felt the serenity of nature. At that moment I was present and I think that’s as good as it gets.
RIP mom, be free and happy.
What a beautiful and touching tribute. While you say this is the only time you will write about it, I suspect, as things settle down and life returns to normal, there will be moments that remind you of your mom, or the things she taught you, or thing things you disagreed about, that will spark other thoughts and blogposts in the future. Don’t think, just because you said you would never again write about this life changing event, that you can’t change your mind and share the lessons learned. I bet there will be some.
Absolutely lovely and thoughtful reflection. And the pictures are a beautiful accompaniment.
A beautiful tribute. I hope the serenity of being in nature provides some peace and comfort. I know the hurt never goes away. My amazing Mom passed away in 2002. Feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago. Virtual hugs
Another meaningful life experience. Truly seen, heard and felt. Rich and painful or joyful, they build us. Without them, we are nothing. There will be more. It is not a bad thing. s/Terry (Teresa)
Beautiful tribute, my thoughts and prayers have been with you.
Just beautiful. Huge hugs. Xx
Very eloquently written! Our mom’s have a special place in our hearts and when we lose them, it tugs at our heart strings. So glad you got to be there and spend time with your family. May your Mom rest in peace!
Your photos and heartfelt writing are a beautiful tribute to your Mom. Sorry for your loss and may she be with you always. Peace.
simply beautiful.
There is nothing like the loss of a parent to make one feel human. It is a surreal experience – and one that will stay with me forever.
Love and peace.
What a beautiful tribute of love for your mom. You may go through a type of fog…just going through the motions, for a few months….for longer….time changes things….this happened to me…and I used my creativity in writing and put everything I had of hers into a project to share with my four siblings. It was the best thing I could have done as it helped me work through the heavy feeling of loss. When I came out the other side I felt raw….but manageable. Maybe working on something creative about your mom or family might help you too. My project was a family album…nowadays with all the digital that would be easier. The pictures of France are so beautiful. I wish you peace and comfort.
This is going to be hard to believe I just said to my husband I wonder how Nina is doing? And the very next second your email posting came through….
what a gift you have of writing…a beautiful heartfelt message and what a wonderful reminder to us all…about staying present….your exactly right about when the soul leaves the body…I did hospice care and can relate with that observation….and I laid next to my own mother as she passed away…..
The SW of France as you described it sounds so beautiful and peaceful……
Thank you again for sharing such a personal part of your journey with us…..may you continue to feel that warmth all around you….
Wonderful expressed thoughts. Love and Light my lovely…
Beautifully written. So sorry for your loss.
Your MoM will always live in your heart……. Bless you Nina..
This was such a heartfelt tribute, I was crying well before the end. You really honored your Mom with your beautifully crafted, sincere, and loving words. I’m sending you lots of love, light, and positive energy.
Welcome back, and salute to your salute to your Mom. So glad you we’re their for your Father, and the rest of the clan. Feel free to see her smile in sunsets ahead. It’s amazing how many times I reflect upon my Mom, when the sun goes down…
Enjoy your memories of Mom, and of the way you’re family responded to say good bye.
Now, go play with a Dawg, chase a cat – and of course, you and Paul enjoy…
Again, welcome home. Best,
Smitty
What a beautiful, respectful tribute to your mother is this post! I am sure it provides a degree of comfort and healing for you. It is interesting to witness my friends’ going through this process — those of us who have never professed spirituality or a religion, only to experience that there was something spiritual about it after all. The parent is gone, but not gone. A spiritual component suddenly appears that we had spent a lifetime denying existed! Surprise! Surprise!
Loving my country as I do, and having seen so much of its diverse beauty, I am sure it will be of solace to you. It’s an arduous journey to move those we love from our heads to our hearts. But when they arrive in your heart, they are truly home!
Although I did not get to say good-bye to my mother, when I received the notification, that next morning I awoke with the sound of the big band era from her World War II young adulthood playing in my head! I continue to enjoy watching for signs of her!
Blessings to you and your partner, whom I’m sure will be of wonderful support.
I was so pleased to see “Wheeling It” at the top of my bloglist tonight. Welcome back… I missed your posts. May the healing process be gentle for you and yours.
Box Canyon Mark
Nina: Your words are some of the beautiful prose I’ve ever read. You captured so well how I felt when my mother passed away 14 years ago. I felt silly being so sad for so long. I knew mine was not a singular experience, that everyone loses their mother, sometime. I knew “people do it all the time all over the world.” What I didn’t realize then, and what it took me years to learn, was that “my experience [was] also deeply unique, as every experience of death is.” You are wise; perhaps that came from your mother, or from living the life she gave you. It will hurt for a long time. The ache in your chest is truly physical for a long time. But a day will come when you think of her and surprise yourself by laughing, or smiling.
Oh Nina, that was beautiful. So glad to see you back and posting again. May you hold all your memories dear and may they sustain you through this difficult time. I know what it is to lose a mother. {Hugs}
Hey Nina,
Good to have you back. Your writing is so amazing – descriptions of the scenery and your feelings are so thoughtful. I hope you are still taking time to process everything. Peace and Love,
Nicole
Beautifully written by a beautiful person. You are your Mother’s daughter for sure.
I am so sorry . I lost my mom almost 3 years ago. Then I lost my husband in December. I wasn’t ready to face death in either case. It all leaves a numbness. Please know that you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Well said
its been 28 years today since I lost my mom to ALS at the young age of 55. after so many years, specific memories are lost. Write everything down while you remember it, so your memories of HER will stay strong.
Beautiful and touching. So glad you could spend some extended time with your family– it’s such an intensely emotional time, one that you’ll each remember forever. I’m sure your mom was very proud of the life you’re living– with purpose and love. Perfectly stated. My thoughts are with you.
Glad your back. Lost my mother 11 years ago, and it does get better time does heal take care.
Welcome home.
Presence. That is important. My line was, and remains, we must live in the here and now. Life is for the living. We miss those loved ones who’ve gone before us, but we are still here, and we must go on. The sun continues to rise each morning and set each evening. We must be in the here and now, the present, to continue along with the sunrises and sunsets. Time and the world wait for no one.
One moment at a time. One step at a time. Eventually a day at a time. At last you’ll find your new normal, tho it will be a different normal than you’ve ever experienced, it will be your new normal. Your here and now. Your presence.
May you find these things as soon as is reasonable for you.
XOXOXO
Thank you for sharing this. Moms-are one of a kind. I miss mine and well, it is a tough hole to fill. She is proud of you, I am sure. Hang in there.
Such a thoughtful, caring, tribute ….. May
time and memories give you peace, Nina.
Your photos and words say so much ….. May your Mother rest in peace .
Rest in peace. Beautiful tribute!
Beautifully written.
Whatever your relationship had been in the past, it’s part of what’s shaped you into who you are today – also beautiful.
Thank you for sharing this tribute.
Nina,
I’m glad to see you that you are back . Your post was incredible. You have a remarkable way of writing , its just like I was there ,and it brings the place to my heart. Blessings for your mom and you,
Colleen
I’m glad you’re back. It takes awhile, but it does get better.
Welcome back.
getting it all written out in a blog I am sure is very therapeutic and healing within itself…
Beautiful. Thank you.
What a beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing <3
Beautiful beyond words…. Blessings…
lisa
God bless, Nina…
You have survived intact and do has your remaining family. What you have written is truly beautiful….. It’s a tribute to your mother that is ded tied to go out into the entire world. People who have lost their mother and or other loved family member will read this and know their loss, acceptance and ability to move onward thru your words Nina…. I know of no better way for your mother to be remembered than that thru your words others shall achieve peace…..
Bill n Sadie plus Mic
I am sorry for your loss, but deeply moved by your words.
Beautifully written! And you look so much like your mother. Wishing you peace.
How wonderful that you are open to feeling her presence, Nina. By allowing her soul into yours, you are putting an exclamation point on her life. 🙂
What a beautiful way to put it all into a tribute to your mom. I lost my mom 4 years ago but I talk to her everyday as I know you will do the same, she may not be close by but I feel her close and know I can still share things with her. May you find peace and healing in knowing she is close.
Your words are magic. You have given your mom new life to all of us and you should be proud of that.
May GOD continue to Bless you and your family and provide you comfort.
🙂
Great post Nina. It takes time, but it will heal. God Bless you and yours. And, keep writing this blog –
I wanted to extend my deepest sympathies for your loss. I lost my mother suddenly in January of this year and understand the deep, unexpected emotions that come from that loss. Like you, my mother and I had times that we didn’t get along, yet we always managed to meet in the middle after all the fireworks cooled down. She was a force to be reckoned with and I inherited her strong personality. Unfortunately, neither of my sisters or my brother could ever find their way around/over/or through that personality. I was left relatively alone to deal with my mixed emotions. I still miss her. I didn’t think I would, but I do. It’s better now, but all the emotions come back unexpectedly at times. I just wanted to tell you to take your time to grieve however you need to. We all need different things at times like these, so take a deep breath and when you come across something that brings the memories rushing in, savor the moment.
So glad to hear you are home safely. And thank you for posting this lovely tribute to your mom. You have created an amazing second family here on your blog. I know you feel the warmth of the collective group as we wrap our arms around you and wish you peace.
Welcome back Nina, we’ve missed you. Beautifully written post about your dear Mom–it must have been incredibly hard to write!
So beautiful, and also healing I would think, for many of us. Thank you for sharing.
Okay, had to dig for a Kleenex on that post – well done, heartfelt and timeless. RIP to the mothers who have left imprints on our hearts. Having buried both of my parents, your post chimes true. Remember the good times, enjoy the present and don’t dwell on the past. Look forward to new adventures, keep your face to the sun. Godspeed.
Not only beautifully written but the photos perfectly captured the moment. May time ease your loss.
So sorry to hear this for you. It is a hard time in ones life. My own mother died when I was 15 and she only 45. My Mother-in-law’s died when she was 72 and her mom 91 and honestly I don’t know which is harder. EVERY day with the ones we love is a gift. rIP to your mom.
So perfectly written Nina. So many mined emotions makes it hard to express not too much and not too little. And such good thoughts about being in the present moment.
Life is somehow different now, don’t you think?
Hugs to you.
Oops. Mixed emotions, I meant to say.
So beautiful. A fitting tribute to your mom. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you adjust to this new world — the one without someone you loved so dearly in it.
Your tribute to your Mother was just beautiful!
Your writing is certainly a gift and it brought tears to my eyes.
Wishing you peace and love.
Mary
Your tribute to your mother was beautiful and touching Nina. It was wonderful that you had the time with your family to share memories and for you to share your most intimate thoughts with your mother as you walked the grounds she so loved. May your healing be gentle. Glad to have you back home.
Thank you for helping me say good bye to my loved one. Welcome back. God Bless
Touching words Nina – really beautiful. The picture of your mother is lovely. Take care of yourself too. We start full-timing in 2 days – maybe we’ll see you guys “out there” some day.
I am so sorry for your loss. You are right…your mom was beautiful,and you look just like her! Your moms soul will go on and live in yours.She will always be with you.
Losing our parents is something we all hope we’re able to do (it is the best outcome in the time line of life after all). But that’s doesn’t mean it’s easy, straightforward or without a swirl of emotions.
I’m so happy you had a reconnecting experience with your family, and were able to feel present in your own existence and experience these past weeks. You of course know the journey of life after your mom doesn’t end here. The feelings, processing and events will be truly unique to you, but know you are surrounded by love and support by all of your friends and community as best we can.
Much love to you, dear.
So glad to have you back. That was a beautiful tribute to your mom. Time does heal all but it is a slow process. Hang in there…
Thanks for allowing us to share this poignant experience with you. Your writing, beautiful and well crafted, draws us in and provides opportunity for much needed reflection in this crazy world. Your love and respect for your mom is obvious. I’m sure she is proud of the legacy she left behind in you.
Such a beautiful remembrance and honoring of your mother, Nina. May your focus on the good memories you have of her bring you peace. It’s so healing when we can acknowledge and be grateful for the positive traits that we inherited from our parents, as you have done. And to live with presence and love, indeed. Blessings to you.
Thank you for sharing. Peace.
Im truly Sorry for your loss.
May your memories help ease the sorrow at this time. Lovely tribute you have written. Sending you our thoughts and positive energy.
Have thought of you over the last couple weeks, knowing this particular journey is one traveled alone, even when one is surrounded by others. Your beautiful words and photos are heartfelt and touching. There’s no one like Mom, no matter the relationship, for a daughter they are so very special. And they stay with us after they continue their adventures on the other side, a constant source of comfort (and occasional continued nagging). Warm hugs.
Your mother is beautiful and so are you.
What a beautifully and eloquently composed tribute to your Mom…I just had to put my Mom in a Memory Care facility in Longview Wa. on Friday…all the things we do with our older Moms always touches the heart and the memories we shared along the road…I wish you well as you recover slowly from your grief and emerge on the other side with warm and loving memories to carry your through your life…Carol Mc Daniel
Nina, thank you for sharing your deeply personal experience with words and images that beckoned me to slow down and be present in the moment and cherish the beauty and love that you so wonderfully expressed.
Your words and photos were very beautiful. I hope the places you travel will help ease the pain of loss. From reading your blog I know you always seem to find places where you can renew and find your peace.
What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing, for the full heart and for the tears.
Wow, what a moving reflection. Thank you for sharing.
Some say you should live each day as if it were your last. I don’t think that’s possible, or even advisable. No-one can sustain that level of Adrenalin or intensity over the long term. But I do think you can attempt to live life with presence and love. To be present in the moments you’re given, to cherish the beauty around you, to love as much as possible.
The words in this paragraph are the most profound and truest way to live your life.
Beautiful perspective. I know how complex. Your feelings on everything must be right now. Peace and love to you, Nina.
Sorry for your loss, she’s in a better place
Wow…stunningly beautiful – both pictures and prose. Your description of the surrealness of your mom’s passing resonated deeply with me. Thanks you for putting those feelings into words.
It does get easier, but I’m not sure it ever ends and I think that’s probably a positive thing.
Peace and love and presence!
Beautifully written….
Beautiful words Nina, so deep from your soul. I hope your grief slowly turns into peace. It is so difficult to loose a mother when you are with her at the end, so I believe it must be a million times worse when you are apart, but believe me time heals your soul a little bit and she will always be with you in your heart.
Thank you for sharing your experience in France. It is such a hard thing to put the feelings surrounding death, especially when it is someone close like a parent, into words. Your photos are awesome and you described your feelings succinctly. May you come to a peaceful acceptance of your loss. Speaking from experience, time does heal the sadness. Peace~
Mothers and Daughters. Some of the most complicated relationships on earth, I’m sure. Mine are, too. But you are right, we are part of them, and probably the parts that didn’t get along are the parts most alike. I’m so glad you went back to France to say goodby. Wonderful that you and your brother and sister and father were all able to be there together. Rest in Peace to your mom, and you take care of yourself.
Oh Nina. Your writing brings tears to my eyes. Hugs for you. xo
thank you for sharing. Her spirit is with us all, if we choose.
Nina –
Some people sit zazen, study for years and miss your point – simply to be present in your life. The precious things are the memories, and the gratitude.
I’m all too aware my mother is 95. Her physical health is otherwise good, but her eyesight is going. Her memory is not quite what it was. I visit her in Illinois at least once a year, and talk on the phone every few weeks. My brother lives in the next suburb south of her, and looks in on her fairly often.
Each individual experience is different, but important. I hope you’ll continue to enjoy the present, but cherish past memories. Life is more than bipolar and CMOS / BiCMOS circuit design, testing and production.
As usual, you expressed wonderful thoughts very well. I hope it is a comfort to you knowing that your mother will always live within you.
Be strong. It will never get easy, it will always be hard. Cherish the fine memories. Really, that’s all we can take with us from this world.
What a beautiful place she was laid to rest in.
Brian
Nina,
Your ability to express and share through word and photo are a wonderful gift to us all. Sincere thank you for sharing you personal journey.
This is a wonderful tribute to your mother, Nina. It makes me think of my own mother who I lost 9 years ago. Blessings to you and Paul, and I hope the rest of your family is finding comfort. It is good to see you back on the blog.
Never what is expected. Thanks for your beautiful perspectives. Recently my young nephew died in a car crash. I have been listening and sometimes dancing to this playlist; different times it changes but always helps.
https://open.spotify.com/user/unmansjunk/playlist/19neBxyhDLVLYnytpVuqry
Nina, thank you for sharing. Your way of expressing is magnificent. Much love, Else and Kim.
Nice tribute Nina. I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about it being surreal. I lost my Mom a few years ago too. One of the hardest losses we will ever have. May you find comfort and peace !
You’re amazing Nina.
Love,
John & Vicki
Dear Nina, Thank you for sharing this touching and beautiful tribute to your mother and for sharing deeply about experiencing the death of your mother and the ways in which you and your family members have sought to remember her, to share the sorrow of loss and to begin the process of moving forward with your lives. The photographs are such a wonderful complement to your moving words. From one of your many friends who care and support you. Lauren
Dear Nina and Paul,
We are saddened by your mother’s passing, but glad you could be there with your family!
A very beautiful farewell to your Mom, a very tough and emotional time.
I felt like I was there in France watching the sunflowers sway.
Enjoying life day by day is the best a person can achieve.
Hugs,
Kathy & Grant and Molly
Dear Niña, This is my 1st ever comment to the many RV blogs we follow, but I’ve been waiting on your ‘return’. Let me first say how very sorry I am for the loss of your Mother. I can only imagine how difficult it would have been to receive that news and be so far away; but I think that no matter where we are, we would always feel far away. Your trip and the time with loved ones in that enchanted place was probably the finest memorial you could have given your Mom. May God grant each of you peace.
We plan to begin our FT RV lifestyle in January, and my greatest concern/hesitation is leaving my 95 yr old Mom. Even though I know she is well loved and cared for by my Dad (who is much younger), I also know that I’ll probably be away when her last days arrive. We have been extremely close all of my life, so this idea of roaming the country and being sometimes so far away is completely foreign. All I can do is pray for peace and trust in faith that God will provide for both me and my Mom.
Thank You for allowing us to share in this pivotal point in your life.
Warmest Regards,
Cathy
This is Just a beautiful, honest statement about realities of all our lives. The very best to you guys as you move on.
I’d like to join the chorus befriending you and yours now, in your sorrow and healing…..your Mt. Shasta acquaintance is cat and housesitting in SW Portland this month. It’s always poignant here for me as my northwest parents died 9 months apart when I was 12 and 13 here, so long ago, they are but wisps of memory…noone facilitated my grief then, and it began a life-long search for my own orphaned heart…teaches one compassion, eventually….best to you all. Still hope to connect one of these days! Heading down the Oregon coast myself next week, homeward bound, tho Portland is my beloved home-in-heart….hope lots of sunflowers come into view….cheers, Kathi
Hope the sunflowers brought comfort in your sad moments. Your mom is smiling down at you as she read your beautiful tribute for her. She may have left physically but she is with you in spirit and her unconditional motherly love. May Peace be with you, Nina.
There is little to say that hasn’t been said. Your post is beautiful Nina. The experience seems to have been as good as the death of one’s mother can be. To be a motherless child, regardless of the complexity of the relationship, takes getting used to. My mother died of ALS over 20 years ago and I still find myself wishing I could show or tell her something. You have taken two beautiful lessons from this experience – to be present and to love – your mother would have been proud. Thank you for sharing this is beautifully expressed Nina.
Losing a parent is a difficult thing. No matter how old we are when they pass, we still feel orphaned in a way. My mother has been gone almost thirty years and even though she and I didn’t get along at times, there are days I still need my mother and wish she were here. There is no real solace I can give you. Treasure the good times, forget and forgive the not so good times, and remember that time and love heals all.
I cannot imagine your loss but your tribute and the feelings they reflect is something I can relate too. Your writing is so emotional I can feel your depth of loss and your love for your mom. I am so sorry for you.
One is never prepared for this time. Thanks for sharing with us. Talking with family about all the positive memories is the best way to begin to heal:) Good to see you back:)
Welcome back Nina! Hope each day gets better for you! Very moving words about family and love. Words to live by, for sure.
Nina
Your tribute to your mom is lovely. She would be proud to read it. Keep your memories close. You have new memories awaiting in all you do.
Glad to have you back with us.
Susan
I’m so sorry for your loss, I know it’s very difficult. Your mother was lovely.
My mother passed away a year ago, I am glad she is at peace now but I miss her loving spirit. She was also quite beautiful, after the funeral I took a wonderful portrait of her in her youth home with me and I have it on display now. It’s a great comfort to me, I can see her now fully as herself, as a complete and independent young spirit at the start of a long and successful life. It’s a fresh perspective on the person who I would always know as mother.
Beautiful tribute. We all have our grief to deal with at some point. May the happy memories eventually come to mind more often than the sadness.
Your prose here is sublime, your photos superb. Your mother was truly a beauty. You write about seeing her in yourself. You are after all part of her, from her body you were made. She will always be with you because of this. There is no other way.
Welcome back to the RV blogoshpere. No one else’s absence could create such a void.
We missed you, Nina.
And, we’ve each lost a parent so we send you our sincerest -heartfelt- sympathies all about me .
Your words and photos inspire and encourage us. Savor each moment, be present, and live!
We’re so sorry for your loss.
We’re grateful you’re back home, safe and sound.
You matter to so many.
O dear. That “all about me” must have come from autocorrect on my iPhone, and I didn’t see it until I posted.
I can’t edit it; period at end of word “sympathies”.
Hello Nina, I’ve been away several days and just learned about your mother tonight upon my return. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. She looks lovely in the photo of her. I know there is absolutely nothing we can say or do to take initial pain away but I hope the words that I/we put down give you some comfort. It will take some time before flowers are flowers and sunset are sunsets, again and until they do I wish you and your loved ones well (including fur family).
Such beauty and peace. Thank you for sharing. Hugs.
A beautiful picture of your mom! I hope your time with your family has helped the healing process for you. My condolences on your mom’s passing.
Amen…..
That was the most honest, grounded and amazingly beautiful tribute I have ever read.
Thank you for sharing.
May your mom rest in peace.
Nina,
I am tremendously sorry for your loss…I am a long time reader (hubby & I found you last year while researching boondocking locations, especially your fave Alabama Hills!), but this is my first comment, and I’ve been meaning to send my condolences.
I lost my dad when I was only 26, it has been almost 16 years and I still miss him. It also changed the way I viewed so many things in my life, it is crazy how a loss can do that to ya.
The past few posts about your mom have all been beautiful and so heartfelt, but I really could relate to the 2nd to last paragraph above…you expressed exactly how I feel day to day, not living it as it was my last, but just really LOVING all of those who are blessings in our lives, and being grateful and content with life just how it is at any given time (even when it is a sucky time!), just trying to be a positive person. That is what I took away from losing my dad, and even with something so sad, I think I was able to become a better person from it.
Anyways, I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss, and that your words really hit home with me…
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, and glad you were able to spend so much time with your family to begin to heal.
Safe travels for you both! 🙂
Marla
Nina,
So nice to have you back. Your writing and pictures are absolutely beautiful. Lovely picture of your mother, thanks for sharing it with us. You’ve got a lot of love and support from your readers. Hope that and your writing help soften your pain. Your mother may not be physically with you but her spirit lives on. Till you meet again.
Love and prayers, Sonia
Nina –
the way you are able to paint a picture with your words is so powerful!! I can only imagine what that first walk on the beach upon your return must have felt like. All those surreal moments can become so grounded when our toes hit the sand and we feel the open embrace of the waves and wind…and most importantly, the comfort and love of your husband and all those paws.
what a beautiful tribute to you mom. some days will be very hard, and some days you may not think of her at all. But whatever the day you will get through it, maybe with more wine some days than others but you will finally come out on the other side. Just don’t expect to be back to “normal” in a few weeks, everyone takes a different amount of time to heal, some days, weeks or even years. Just remember the rest of your family loves you, and you have a great husband to lean on for support. May GOD bless you and give you peace each day.
When I read your,blog II am transported to the places you visit. The tribute to your mother brought back memories of my Mom and Dad. Thank you for sharing your life travels. God Bless and comfort you. Karen
My mother and I disagreed most of her life and in the last 3 months we finally became friends. I am ever grateful for that opportunity and thank her almost every day.
A beautiful tribute to an obviously beautiful and much loved woman in your life. Hold her memory forever in your heart.
Beautifully written, you expressed your feelings and love for you mom so well. I have been following your blog for some time but never comment, I have received a blessing from you sharing your heart. My thought and prayers will continue to be with you… Thank you.. Danny.
Nina I’m very sorry for your loss. I can’t say I understand your grief as mine is different since I don’t speak with my living parents but as sure as the sunrise and a new day begins life goes on. We just make the best of it. I too believe that living like it’s your last day is too chaotic and rather in the moment allows life to soak in and enjoy the process. I wish you sunny days & sunflowers and hope to meet you on the road soon!! ~Merri
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. They are beautiful and we are sure they will help to bring you comfort, now and in the future.
It’s true, there is a time for all things… including death. Still, there is a feeling of “incompleteness”. You are supposed to have a mom and dad. Memories are precious, but they don’t speak or hug back. You will likely experience this. The physician is time and your healing has begun. God bless you both in your journeys.
Beautiful.
Ah, Nina, will you ever see this long overdue comment over 8 years too late? As you now know, I was in the midst of surgery, moving, selling, and whatever, and I never saw this post or commented. This means so much more to me than it would have when you first wrote it. Your words are beautiful and thoughtful, as always, but now after real-time conversations, the words mean even more, and the depth behind them is understood. RIP mom, absolutely. As Cherie said, it IS the best possible outcome since after all we don’t want our children to die before us. My spirit is again awakened from some of our conversations and from reading your words just a little bit late. Many hugs to you, Nina.