Making Connections
Et ce nouveau arrêté, c’est fou non? (this new rule, it’s crazy isn’t it?)
I was chatting to the pork lady at the market, with whom I regularly exchange loose ideas on politics, family, food & the weather. This particular Thursday we were complaining about the idiocy of the 1km exercise rule that had been imposed by the government. The two ladies next to me both agreed, which I inferred mostly by their vigorous nodding, given that everyone was masked. We commiserated collectively for a few more minutes before I ordered, and then wandered over to the fish guy for my next chat. I wonder what he was thinking about all this?
It’s taken me years to understand this cultural process, the market experience in France.
When I first got here it used to drive me crazy that I had to wait up to 20 minutes in line just to get some pork chops. Stop chatting & sell something will ya! And I never really understood why there were always groups of folks just hanging about for hours around the stalls. What are all these people doing here?
Then one day, the baguette came out of the oven so-to-speak, and it all clicked into place.
The weekly open-air markets are not just a place to buy food. They’re a social gathering, the quintessential village get-together where neighbors catch-up, complex issues are discussed, and news items is shared. They’re the beating pulse of the countryside and they endure despite modern times and social media. That is something really significant.
Folks are fiercely loyal to the market too.
Everyone has a cheese guy/gal, a pork stop, a fish stand, a veggie vendor, a bread place etc. and they rarely waver. They stop and chat, making the exact same rounds at the exact same stands every single week, taking their time, scrutinizing the produce (“cela tiendra-t-il jusqu’à dimanche” = will this hold until Sunday?), buying and (surprisingly) sometimes getting refused too (“non, ça ne tiendra pas = it’s not going to hold, or basically I won’t sell it).
I frikkin’ love it!
In these crazy times going to the weekly market is one of the things that has kept me sane. The markets shut down completely in the last confinement, and honestly it was crushing. Without that essential community link, villages became ghost-towns and the folks (especially the older population) became more isolated than ever. We went back the first day they re-opened in May, and have been going ever since. This second shutdown, thankfully they’ve stayed open.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this during the past week, not only because it’s one of the few (only?) times per week we get out of the house, but also because of life in general. Call me an old fogey if you will, but real connections are in decline these days, our lives moved to social media, whatsapp and zoom, accelerated by the madness of 2020. It’s easier than ever to connect online, yet harder than ever in person, and I do believe it’s one of the reasons we’ve all become so divided.
Connections IMO are more important than ever, and that’s the topic of today’s post.
An Early Christmas, And Traditions
Our grocery halls are filled with holly and cheer, and the internet is practically over-flowing with it. I’ve never seen Christmas arrive quite this early, or perhaps it’s just crept up on me?
Yesterday a friend posted on Facebook that they’d put up their Christmas tree and then a slew more responded, timidly at first (lest they be judged) that so had they. By the end of the afternoon another 20 people had came out of the Christmas closet. Who knew?
Apparently starting celebrations early this year is a “thing”….
Some of this makes sense of course, from a commercial point of view. We’re under lock-down or restrictions in many places, so stores are worried they won’t have enough time with the public to hit their yearly sales. For smaller businesses, this upcoming Nov/Dec could mean the difference between closure or survival, so they’re promoting early hoping to get folks to buy local, rather than just hitting the buy button on one of the big retailers online. I totally get that.
But for my friends, I think it’s a kind of mental therapy.
Traditions are part of what hold us together as a society, and give us connection. Indigenous tribes hold ceremonies and dances, religions have gatherings and honor specific events, cultures have celebrations and share unique customs. I’m generalizing quite a bit (I realize that), but my point is simple. Traditions are important for all of us, no matter where we live or who we are.
Christmas specifically, is a particularly fascinating one.
In its essence it’s a Christian day of course, but some of the traditions typically associated with it it can be traced back to pagan times. Kissing under the mistletoe, a plant that was the sacred plant of Druids; gift-giving/feasting, and the Roman celebration of Saturnalia (the return of the sun at the solstice). And of course nowadays we have Christmas Trees, Christmas lights, Santa Claus and….for better or worse….Christmas shopping.
You could rightfully say that none of the latter have anything to do with the real intent of Christmas (honoring the birth of Jesus Christ), and yet you could also say it’s all part of our shared, modern experience of it. There are lots of folks that celebrate Christmas who are not even remotely religious, and yet the celebration of that day, brings them all together.
Is that not a positive thing, regardless?
Personally I’m not too keen on the commercial side of it all, but I do feel strongly about the mental and personal side of it. We have traditions in our family that go back generations, and practicing those traditions are part of what brings me a sense of belonging and unity. They are important not so much for the acts themselves, or even the date itself, but because they are repeated and shared. This is what brings us together, across generations and borders.
All that to say, if you get a sudden urge to put up your Christmas tree this week, I say go for it.
We need all the connection we can get this crazy 2020 year, so whether it’s frivolous or not, whether it’s the true intent of the season or not, whether it’s commercial or religious. If it brings you meaning, connection and joy….just do it.
Getting Together, And Thoughts
What about seeing actual people? Are you going home or getting together with family for the upcoming holidays this year? Thanksgiving? Christmas? How will keep everyone safe, especially if you are seeing people deemed “at risk”?
This is probably the first time any of us have ever had to think about that last question, and it’s a doozy. Lock-down and travel restrictions aside (still TBD all over the world), I do there’s a few things you can do.
Obviously you can do a COVID test, of which there are several types (RT-PCR, antigen, antibody) now in circulation.
If you decide to do this you should know that most accurate test available today is a molecular test or RT-PCR test, specifically the one with a swab taken from deep in the nasal cavity. On an accuracy level it’s not too, too bad, but it can produce a false negative (anywhere from 2-37%) and it does have one big potential “gotcha”. It generally does not catch infections that have just happened, as the virus needs to “brew” for several days before the swab can detect it.
So for example, you could travel on Monday, get infected the same day, get a test on Tuesday or Wednesday and you would likely still test negative, even if you were not. Plus symptoms might not show up until a week later. It’s not a deal-breaker, but you do need to factor those probabilities in.
Isolation is another strategy and it’s a pretty effective one. Simply isolate for 2 weeks before you see your family and you’ll be pretty darn safe. Super easy to talk about, sometimes not-nearly-as-easy to do?
Then there are the obvious things like social distancing & masks (in a family setting, really??), limiting the number of people who get together (possible), doing your gatherings outdoors rather than indoors (not likely in December).
If you’re getting together these coming holidays these are all items to think about, and only you and your family/friends can decide what is right for you.
We’ve decided not to get together with our siblings this year, but if we were to do it a combo of testing & partial isolation (probably 7 days) would be my choice.
Just my thoughts….
Make Connections Where You Can
No matter what you decide to do during the next few months, I advise you to find real person-to-person connection where you can. Whether it be the local market, your neighbors, your friends on the phone, your family. These are not easy times, and IMO they’re about to get harder, so connection is more important than ever both for our mental health and for what is to come.
Connection, traditions, friends and family. It’s what it’s all about.
What do you think, my dear readers? Do you have some special traditions that you love? Tell me about them. Tell me what connects you, and how you plan to connect these next months. Oh, and if you’re putting up your Christmas tree this week, lemme know. I may well be joining you soon….
I am isolating through this entire season. We have had an increase in infections in our building’s complex so I’ve stopped going to our building’s fitness center and I’m not even letting the housekeeper come in to clean. I am one of the vulnerable. So, all of you on-line friends are even more important than ever to me. Please, keep posting.
I’ll be here Linda. You are not alone.
Nina
I’m decorating early–I need some cheer! Our family in Montana has Covid–as the granddaughter is a teacher and her two munchkins go to preschool we sort of knew it was inevitable. The granddaughter’s husband has the worst of it–the fever, aches, miserable but is all ready feeling better. They are all young which helps. So far we are good–still masking. We are doing Thanksgiving with our circle of careful friends–about six of us. Christmas is up in the air.
So sorry to hear your family in Montana got it, but I’m so glad it was a milder version for them all. Some of my friends extended family got it in U.K. too, but thankfully they too are all recovering and managed to keep it away from their elderly parents. Your Thanksgiving plans sound lovely.
Nina
I love reading all of your descriptions of the culture there. The social market idea is so cool!
As we decided this week not to travel to Cedar Key this winter, and instead, spend the entire winter up here at the cottage, we’ve begun some decorating. We never imagined being up here for winters, so early decorating helps. We’re sure Pipa will be much happier up here in her own surroundings, too.
We are sticking with our normal time line of decorating the weekend after Thanksgiving. However, no family or friends over this year. Instead, for Thanksgiving, we will cook and deliver to three older couples who are not really fully capable of preparing a Thanksgiving meal. Hopefully it’s good for them and it will be good for us too.
That is a lovely idea Terry, and a wonderful way to connect and help your neighbors too.
Nina
I decided I needed a pick me up today and went to Michaels for some supplies. When I commented to the cashier that I have been “down in the dumps” and have decided to decorate now. She said that everyone she encounters has said the same thing.
So put up those wreaths, your red balls and celebrate the whole next 6 weeks. Celebrate that we are well, our families are well, even if we have a “Socially Distanced” Holiday.
Salud
Well done. I’m probably going to hold out a bit longer until the end of the month, but then I am ALL IN! We all need the cheer this year.
Nina
For me it isn’t Christmas without the traditions so the decor won’t go up tol the day after Thanksgiving and the tree goes up Christmas Eve and comes down on Three Kings Day (12 th day)
But it was what you were saying about connections that struck me, Nina. Having grown up where any meet up was an occasion for group conversation I didn’t really think about it when I first went to France as a teen. Fast forward to moving to Lebanon, and later Egypt.after some years in the States and I was thrilled to be able to chat not only about what I was buying but what was going on.
For me the first distressing awareness about our lack of connecting came as more and more people used cell phones…quite some years now. Actually, even Walkman and ear buds I found sad. We no longer walk along streets, meeting the eyes of strangers and smiling or not but there always seemed to be a shared acknowledgement that we were all in this (rush to work, slow moving crowd, packed festival crowds…) together. I miss that. And I think it is the pealing away of layers of community that has been going on for decades that has resulted in so much of what I see as people caring only about themselves and their circle (which seems to be exclusively “in their phone”)
We are living life completely normal (well as much as we can). We play Pickleball 4 times a week and the courts are packed with people average age is around 65. We have done this the entire summer. No masks, but we do sanitize our hands often. Nobody is afraid. Some of our players are 80’s and lots in the 70’s. The Covid death numbers are wildly overblown. I believe the numbers of people that already have had it are huge. People that die in accidents of all kinds, cancer, old age, etc. are tested for Covid and are reported as a Covid death. So we chose the live life. Remember when you flatten a curve, you extend it. I understand that many older people and unhealthy people should isolate until they can get vaccinated. But everyone shouldn’t be stripped of their freedom with such a cavalier attitude, that is an extremely dangerous power to give to others.
My prediction is that 2021 will be very Orwellian, with our governments excising unprecedented suppression of individual rights. Each person has the right to determine what risks to take in life, whether it be skiing, motorcycling, horseback riding, riding a bike, etc. they all have risk and we accept it and live our lives. My 2 cents
Replying to my own comment. My comment would not be allowed on any of the major Social Media platforms. My opinion and that of others like me, is not allowed to be viewed by you. Do you feel like YOU need that control over what you can read?
Politicians are people who have ascended to power because they crave it. Keep that power in check.
1984 predicted that we would submit willingly to government oppression.
Thanksgiving has always been my family’s gathering holiday in Tucson. Was difficult to cancel that annual event in late summer, but couldn’t take the risk with dad in his 80s, with family coming in from Northern California and Texas.
My sister called me in mid October to tell me dad’s health was rapidly declining, to the point he entered hospice at the beginning of November.
Silver lining of COVID is my work can be done remotely from practically anywhere, so I drove down from SF, quarantined for a bit and will be here in Tucson for the holidays after all, but not under the best of circumstances.
Thank You for your newsletter and photos!
I love reading it each week.
I always say “ the French are so civilized “!
Here in the states we are all exhausted from the trauma of the election and now the unprecedented non transfer of office and very danger the country has been put in by firings of key people.
I continue to cook, read, walk and paint for my sanity.
Last week I made taquitos with organic corn tortillas and a grass fed Tri-tip roast. It cooked for hours and then I shredded it. So good! Homemade pizza last night and a couple weeks ago I made homemade nyc bagels, which turned out amazingly perfect.
An early Christmas gift of a vitamix helped me make the most amazingly smooth tomato soup. I am looking forward to more experiments with the vitamix.
We will be doing holidays alone— and not taking our rv to Mx this yr. I see there are many in Rocky Point partying as if there is no Covid. Very worrisome to me.
Our Pueblo here in Taos has a number of cases and the state of New Mexico is on a two week shutdown. Only necessary trips to grocery-gas-hardware allowed. We can still hike anywhere in the wilderness.
Thanks again Nina… stay sane and safe.
We should do a home exchange when this is all under control!
Always love reading your posts….no Thanksgiving decos, but will definitely be putting up Christmas decorations, probably immediately after TG. I remind myself that it’s not just for us, it’s for everyone – and their pups – that walks by our house everyday (and there are many) who also need a bit of cheer and happiness.
I find that when I think about others more than myself, I feel overall better. And a lot to look forward to: vaccines announcing 95% effectiveness, a new government coming, a new area of dignity and kindness (hopefully around the world too), all of it has made me optimistic, pushing me to stop feeling down and scared, instead feeling cheerful and excited for the future.
We will not be seeing our family this year. But I remind myself that we still have our family, we have our health, our life, a future.
Yep, the decos will be going up soon…and lots of them 🙂
Hi Nina,
Thanks once again for another posting about French country life. Love the market description. We have great outdoor markets in Eugene, but not as much sharing with the venders as yours. Because of the rains, the Christmas market will soon open inside at the Fairgrounds that offers great variety and emphasis on Holiday goods. I can imagine that your local market will be full of heavenly delights. Like most of the local retirees, we are spending more time inside than outside these days, except for Tuesdays working at our community garden, come rain or shine, with six others. Tomorrow we leave for several days with our visiting daughter and her husband from Colorado to travel along the Oregon Coast up to Astoria which is a grand excursion regardless of the weather. We each have our own converted camping vans which allows distance separation yet we can walk along deserted beaches together where the wind blows any virus away, and enjoy time together. Many of the State Parks are still open even though much of the state is on lockdown. But that’s never a sure thing these days as the parks go on emergency closure sometimes. We will see. The beauty of a van is how easy it is to boondock.
Wishing you and Paul a special Thanksgiving in the midst of the Pandemic.
Well, we have not gathered with the family during holidays for years, instead celebrating with friends who were nearby. Traveling to see family during the holidays can be hectic and not so much quality times, we travel to see them during other times of the year. This year is the first year when we haven’t seen them for so long (11 months) and we are missing them and our friends a ton. But the time is not right. Instead we will celebrate with just the two of us. Taking a few car trips is helping, we stay in small hotels (usually with check-in in an open air setup) or airbnbs, only eat in open air restaurants (which is the majority in our state), and wearing masks when inside. We had some nice conversations across tables during our recent trip, took a few private boat tours and chatted with the hosts of the hotels. I really appreciated that little bit of social interaction. It’s now 14 days since our return from our most recent little trip, I’ve been counting. We will decorate after Thanksgiving as always.